Along the path to social mastery I’ve made some friends who are true naturals with women, and I’ve learned lots from them. First off is my best friend – pop-locking, graffiti painting, MMA fighting Eli.
This is a guy who reads people well enough to get 30 second makeouts with hot women. He’s wild and goofy (and goofy-looking), but deeply spiritual and grounded at the same time. He’s also a natural leader and a social ninja. (he once took over a whole club in 45 minutes. His secret? A clipboard.)
ELI’S GAME IN A NUTSHELL
It’s late, I’m driving, and Eli’s cracking me up by doing the pervy old man voice from Family Guy. We get to a dive bar and he plows through the crowd towards the dance floor. He dances with a hot skinny blonde and she turns her back to him. So he bends over, sticks his head out and motorboats her BUTT.
(Disclaimer: The following technique is performed by a professional. Don’t try this at home kids)
She turns around mouth agape and slaps him HARD.
He says “that was niiice” and SLAPS HER BACK.
…
…
…
Makeout!
wtF?!??!
Eli gets away with EVERYTHING. He’s the kind of guy that tells his coworkers how great their tits are and they LOVE him for it.
Oh and his phone game is off the hook. Though it helps that he practiced “phone game” 40 hours a week for years in sales, where he regularly got phone numbers from hot high-status women(all while being monitored for propriety).
ELI’S DANCE FLOOR TIPS
The patented Eli Butt Bumpâ„¢
1. Get behind her
2. Turn around
3. Stick out your ass
4. Shake your booty
5. Yell out “WOOOOOO” cowboy-style and rub your wiggling ass on her
Every girl’s reaction to this? She laughs her ass off. This dance floor technique is solid gold. It takes BALLS, and it shows that you’re a fun goofy guy who doesn’t give a damn. It only works 95% of the time for me since I’m not the man who invented it… Eli’s batting average with it is 1.00. PROTIP: Try not to knock her over with your butt-thrust. Sending her flying ass over teakettle through a crowd of drunken strangers may, in fact, hurt your game.
*BONUS* CLUB DANCE ROUTINE – The Eli Pick-Up Spin
Here’s another money technique brought to you by an expert at throwing people’s weight around (Eli does MMA after all). This is a ballsy move, so if you need to guarantee it will work beforehand, use a compliance test courtesy of Love Systems Instructor Keychain.
Now with with Keychain's Masterpiece Original Sauce(TM)!
Give it a touch of KC’s Masterpiece: raise your arms, palms skyward, and tell her “Arms up!” If she raises her arms with a big smile and/or raises them enthusiastically, you are GO for launch.
1. Give her a bear hug
2. Pick her up with both arms
3. Yell out “WOOOOO” cowboy-style and spin her around
WHAT DID I LEARN FROM HIM?
Eli took me under his wing when I was a scrub way back, when I was still torn up over losing a girl. He pointed me in the right direction, helped me grow ever since, and for that reason I believe if he ever decides to teach dating, he’ll be one of the best in the world. But I digress…
“We’ve only just met… and I have to leave. It’s a shame. We’re never gonna see each other again. So…” I get closer to her lips and my voice gets softer as I say… “We must have one… last… kiss… and it must be – ” I finish breathlessly – “incredible…”
Her soft kiss explodes into a white-hot passionate makeout. We’re ready to tear each other’s clothes off. I glance at her wristwatch. The dials don’t lie.
5:34.
My non-refundable flight leaves at 6:30. I have a choice – get laid or save $500.
ESCAPE
I send her out of my room. I pack my shit and curse my bill collectors. I run downstairs. I ask my British friend for a ride. “Sorry mate valet takes 15 minutes.”
I run to the ATM. Get cash. Call a cab. Jump inside.
5:47.
“Ft. Lauderdale-Hollywood.”
“When’s your flight?”
“6:30.”
Italian cabbie says, “You’re fucked.”
I throw him 60 bucks. He hauls ass, almost wrecks twice, and badmouths Florida cops.
6:04.
I reach the counter. Confirm my e-ticket. The desk guy says “You’re two minutes past confirmation.”
“Dude I gotta get on this plane!”
He glares at me. I smile back.
He radios “We clear for one more?”
Silence. Radio gibberish.
“You’re cleared.”
I run to security. I get “airport naked”. I curse the PILES of shit I’m carrying. TSA lady eyeballs me. I smile back.
6:17.
I clear security. Sprint through the terminal. I reach my gate to find… the jet bridge door is closing!
I brandish my boarding pass and plea for entry.
They shrug. I smile back.
They open the door. I run down the jet bridge and turn the corner to see…
The last TWO people boarding!
I make my flight with ONE MINUTE to spare. Holy shit. I lean back in my seat and shake my head. As my roommate says at home that night, “Mark one up for the record books. There might be an asterisk next to it, but whatever. It still counts.”
I’m a guy. And like 99% of guys, I want a girl who’s hot.
One of the 1% guys.
That being said, it’s nice when you’re with a girl who has her shit together too. Because if you spend enough time with somebody, sooner or later you take on their traits – the good and the bad ones.
She's got big brains.
Some guys can’t handle that. They think it’s emasculating if there’s a chance the woman is better at something than they are. A girl I was dating (with a Masters in Organic Chem) once described to me, in her home country, there are 3 genders: women, men, and women with PhDs. Maybe it’s cultural, but either way, some guys need to man up and realize that they don’t have to be the best in the world at everything.
My take – I’m good at a lot of things. Even if she’s good at a few of them too, for the rest of them I’ll win. Every. Time. Women got equal rights, that includes the right to get their asses kicked at everything.
Welcome to Thunderdome.
I’m also a creative type, and a smart girl is a natural Muse, because if she’s driven, she’s gotta be passionate about something. Passion fuels art and ideas – and, of course, mind-blowing hot sweaty… intellectual stimulation.
And yes, there’s a chance that if your smart talented hottie ever feels like she’s surpassed you in awesomeness, she’ll start to wander. That’s why you never stop being awesome.
Not so awesome any more dude.
Now don’t walk away from this thinking “Dammit Wrabbit, if I fail is she gonna get wasted and bang a football team?” Regardless if you achieve the outcome or not, as long as you have the drive, the potential, and the activity level to succeed, she’ll never leave you for that reason (there are always exceptions, but if you’re doing everything right and she leaves, she screwed up, not you). Awesomeness is character, not results.
Pictured: Awesome.
It’s not easy being awesome. It takes a lot of work to get there. You gotta choose the interests that give you passion, because that passion provides the mental fuel to burn the hours and hours of midnight oil it takes to get awesome at any serious endeavor (not necessarily the “According to Gladwell” 10,000 hours, but close). Sure, this argument of being awesome applies to getting ANY girls. But it’s especially important with the smart ones. Let me elaborate.
I ain’t sayin’ she’s a…
All right, I don’t know if you’ve heard of this before, but apparently there are some women out there who have an exclusive preference for guys with money.
Gimme!
To this particular subgroup of women (colloquially known as “all of them”), it doesn’t matter whether you’re a hip-hop producer, real estate mogul, or trust fund baby. All they care about is another Cristal-fueled stretch-Hummer ride.
Titties are forever.
But think about this:
[the trust fund baby] “…is worthless. He’s spoiled, and didn’t earn it. Why should I care about all that stuff?” – Smart babe I know
Trust Fund Kid is not awesome (in fact he’s a real dick). The fat stack o’ cash is awesome, and since he’s got access to it he’s awesome by association. Which for smart girls, ain’t crap.
And that means smart girls will see right through any of YOUR crap. Far better to impress these women with your wit and banter (aka being a smartass for your own amusement) than relying on material value demonstrations like accomplishments and possessions. (Some examples of wit during pick-up from Love Systems Instructor Big Business)
That’s it for now guys. Go out there and score some smart babes.
After years of going out in the field and seeing countless guys approach women, I’ve noticed that all players, pick-up artists, average guys – pretty much all MEN experience common waypoints on the road to social mastery, and these traits match up perfectly with, of all things, Looney Tunes characters. No joke. I’ve listed all of them below.
(If you find yourself expressing some of the more negative tendencies listed below, don’t fret. It’s natural for guys at all levels to experience them – I’ve been all of these at some point.)
A thing from another world who doesn’t relate well to Earthlings.
An example of social cluelessness.
Does this sound like you?
Social space case who’s unaware of what’s happening on planet Earth. Can easily come across as arrogant
“The Illudium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator! That creature has stolen the space modulator!” – Marvin the Martian
A lot of geekier guys start out this way, and they’ve never done anything wrong; socially they’re just a blank slate. They’re happy to talk about obscure or esoteric subjects, not realizing it bores other people. They haven’t been exposed to other people very much and so they miss all of the cues that one learns with social experience.
Solution
Get social experience! (A guide to getting socialized from The Attraction Forums – written for college students, but it can apply to others as well). Another tip – Underground Dating Seminar program director Brad P.’s tips for social newbies mentions that a Goth Club is a good place to build up social experience because it’s a very accepting environment.
Wile E. Coyote
This starving animal buys every product from the “Acme” company. He analyzes and plans for every contingency… but he never gets the Roadrunner.
A perfect plan… that fails.
Does this sound like you?
Obsessive over details, tendency to see every social interaction as a chess game
“WHY do they always want to do it the HARD way?” – Wile E. Coyote
This guy builds elaborate schemes that are “guaranteed” to get the girl… only to have them blow up in his face. It’s also a natural progression for analytical socially isolated guys – A Marvin can easily become a Wile E. Coyote. Social robots and game-heads can try memorizing and planning for every contingency – but the Roadrunner, or unforseen circumstances, or Murphy’s Law will circumvent them.
“The weirdest guys I know and the guys who have the least success with women are the ones who are overly tactical…they are so in their head thinking about the logical side of how to approach and meet women they end up creating a weird vibe and getting crushed. When you can blend “some” tactics with a great vibe, good things happen.”
- Love Systems Instructor Braddock on Relaxing and Having Fun with Game
Solution
These guys must realize that planning for every contingency is impractical at best, and that becoming adaptable without over-reliance on schemes, routines, or gimmicks is the key to success and a happy, well-adjusted social life. A guy like this will learn way faster by consciously throwing himself into situations where he has no idea what to say next; the mind fills the gaps. Love Systems instructor Cajun sums this up pretty well with some pithy advice – “Trust your brain.”
Porky Pig
A cautious everyman.
Not a perfect example, but I love this clip.
Does this sound like you?
A pushover who’s quick to justify social anxiety
[Porky's cats throw him out of his own house] “Pardon me, but d-d-does anyone in the audience kn-know somebody who kn-knows somebody that has a house to rent?” – Porky Pig
This is a common type. They can carry a conversation, but don’t usually make it very fun or intriguing. If the thought of approaching beautiful women doesn’t turn this guy into a stuttering mess, he comes across as a “nice guy”, and it’s easy for others to walk all over him.
A hair trigger who take everything waaaay to seriously.
Typical Yosemite Sam Overreaction
Does this sound like you?
Thin-skinned, insecure, quick to anger
[in response to Bugs' "What's Up Doc?"]
“I’m no Doc, ya flea-bitten varmint!” – Yosemite Sam
The slightest provocation from anyone will set this guy off. He’ll treat any girl’s tests as a personal insult, he’ll treat her friends like scheming adversaries instead of normal people having a night out, and he’ll take every social interaction way too seriously.
Solution
Love Systems Instructor Future notes that when a girl calls you out on something, “if you get blown out it’s not because of the material but because you had a negative reaction to rejection.” Future’s advice applies to any form of rejection she might throw at you. Take it in stride, and move on. One of the best ways to build up tolerance to this situation is cold, hard experience. Try going out with the INTENTION of getting blown out, and actively ENCOURAGE the girls to blow you out. You’ll see it’s not a big deal, and you might even have fun with the situation. “Go up to a group of hot girls and say ‘Hey can you tell me to fuck off’… There, you’ve just been blown out in the worst way possible. Not as bad as you thought huh.” –Love Systems Instructor Daxx on Approach Anxiety
Daffy Duck
A greedy attention-starved opportunist who is always looking out for himself and no one else.
Stubborn to a fault.
Does this sound like you?
Greedy, selfish, conniving, fragile ego
“It’s mine, ya understand? Mine, MINE, all MINE! Get back in there! Down down down! Go go go! Mine mine mine!” – Daffy Duck
These guys would do well if not for these crippling “inner game” issues. And aside from their sex lives, this attitude will also poison their social circles – high value people are uncanny at sensing hidden agendas and will stay far away from these people.
Solution
These guys have a negative attitude. This can be tough to fix because it touches on deep-rooted beliefs; sometimes it takes a serious kick in the ass to fix them (An example of some inner game tough love from Future). Good habits to cultivate include giving without expecting anything in return, helping others, and brushing off negativity like water off a duck’s back.
Foghorn Leghorn
The barnyard’s biggest loudmouth.
Trying too hard
Does this sound like you?
Tendency to ramble and put on airs, braggart
“You’re nothin but a loud mouth snook!” -Henery Hawk
When guys brag too much about their accomplishments, or just blab too much in general they turn into this guy. They may think they’re making themselves look good, but to everyone else these guys are trying too hard.
Solution
Talking too much dispels any mystique a guy might have. And if he brags, it turns women off immediately. Learning the fine art of shutting up (Love Systems Instructor Tenmagnet describes how shutting up helps your game ) and learning to be subtle when presenting accomplishments remedies this.
Pepe Le Pew
Once he spots his Penelope “skunk”, he’ll chase her to the ends of the earth.
Persistence to the point of obnoxiousness…
Does this sound like you?
Obsessive persistence, unfettered desire
“You know, one of the mysteries of my life is, why a woman run away when all she really wish is to be captured.” – Pepe Le Pew
A woman can drive this guy crazy. And that’s fine… to a point. Inevitably the girl will get turned off and creeped out if a guy keeps pushing it – whether it’s with compliments or with physical touch.
“Tas, Tasmanian. Here it is. ‘A strong, murderous beast, jaws as powerful as a steel trap – has ravenous appetite – eats tigers, lions, elephants, buffaloes, donkeys, giraffes, octopuses, rhinoceroses, mooses, ducks…’” – Bugs Bunny
Wild and crazy party guy. Rude, boorish, belligerent, and above all, DRUNK. He can have a pretty decent success rate, if only because he cuts such a wide swath he’ll likely catch a few helpless critters in his wake. Most of the time though he’ll just scare away every animal in the forest.
Solution
Sober up. These guys have good qualities, but they do way better in normal environments if they dial down the intensity a bit. That being said, they can excel in wild amped-up environments like Spring Break (Braddock’s Spring Break Dating Advice).
Bugs Bunny
Completely unflappable. Always one step ahead of everybody, and sometimes outwits his opponents just for his own amusement.
Nonchalant in the face (butt?) of danger…
Does this sound like you?
“calm, flippant insouciance” – Wikipedia
“Gee, ain’t I a stinker?” – Bugs Bunny
Guys who are calm in the face of adversity, adaptable to any situation, and relaxed enough to have a little fun with social pressure (playfully flippant) are way ahead of the game. They also have the confidence to stick up for themselves in adverse situations. (Cajun’s article on Advanced Body Language: Restraint describes an excellent way to handle challengers) It takes social experience and a positive attitude to get there, but the rewards are worth it.
Solution
For guys who don’t have the Bugs Bunny attitude already, it takes a lot of time and practice to get here. The path to being a real wiseguy requires focusing on field experience, and having fun with the process.
Having a Bugs Bunny attitude covers one pillar of my “Grand Unified Theory” of game. Watch for the “Grand Unveiling” of this theory soon.
So when you go out, which Looney Tunes character are you?
