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In a recent article I described how my buddy Eli convinced a whole small-town club he was the owner in 45 minutes. I’m gonna list a lot of crazy fun stuff here, and how to use it. Maybe you can go out and try it yourself one night. Will it improve your game? Yes. Because you’re training your social intuition, when it works it impresses girls, and above all… you’re having a good time!

Social Sleight of Hand: Misdirection

You ever deal from the bottom of the deck? The key is misdirection. When you’re a magician doing tricks -

Whoops. Illusions.

- you gotta give your audience a bright shiny thing to look at so they won’t catch you stuffing pigeons in your shirt. When it comes to social sleight of hand, your big distraction is this: before the big reveal, throw in something weirdly specific. People will be so distracted by the specific thing that they won’t notice the outrageous lie right behind it. Examples (with Specific details in italics):

“We’re in a band called Mountain Meadows Massacre, we’ve been touring for 3 and a half years now. It’s country black metal.”

“Our buddy’s business really took off, he just bought a penthouse in West LA. He invented the Snuggie.”

Make Your Friends Part of the Conspiracy

If all of you have a story going (see some suggestions below), the con has way more impact. Have your friends drop details that agree with your story.
Ex: You’re “Australian” and your friend says “If you ever visit you should see my buddy’s place in Melbourne, it’s got a killer view”.

Watch for Easy Opportunities

Sometimes a girl will make an assumption about you that is completely incorrect. These are the easiest cons to pull off because hey, it’s her idea, not yours. Just agree with it. “Whoa that’s kinda crazy. How did you know I was Norweigan? If you say you like lutefisk this conversation is over, stalker.”

Be Really Serious

If people laugh at something ridiculous, look offended. This lie is your life and you’re proud of it. React like they just kicked your dog. You’ve gotta be totally deadpan though – if one laugh leaks out you’re done.

Brush Off Minor Objections

“Oh no, I got called out, what do I say?”
The first time they think you’re lying, brush it off. Stick to your guns. One of my favorite ways to do this is to look at them like they just farted, and keep talking.
If you get called out again though the jig is up. Just drop it and change the subject.

Are Hot Girls More Gullible?

Since most guys don’t have the balls to lie to a hot girl’s face, it’s easy to assume hot girls will believe every dumb thing you say. Most guys are trying so hard to impress her that they would never convince her they’re Australian, for example. On the other hand…

Hot Girls Have More Social Intuition

By virtue of being hot, some hot girls have vast social experience since people start conversations with them all the time. So some of them can spot a lie pretty quickly. Others… well if you meet a ditsy hot girl, you’ve just hit the con artist jackpot my friend. Convince her you’re a Bhutanese breakdancing champion. Your signature move? The cockstand.

Like this, but no hands.

Drop the Lie, Gain Attraction

At some point drop the lie. You’re just having fun, you’re not outright deceiving people. Revealing the lie also wins you some attraction, since being able to lie well is a sign of social intuition.

One of my favorite ways to clue them in: “Hey, did you know if you say ‘gullible’ really slowly, it sounds like ‘chicken’?”

Be aware though that some girls will go through all kinds of mental gymnastics to convince themselves they weren’t bamboozled after the fact. If a girl is totally serious about not falling for your gag, don’t get into an argument. Just let it go and move on to the next topic.

Crazy Club Story Ideas

So now you’ve got the tools, what kinds of crazy cons can you try out? Here are some I’ve tried with my friends.

Pretend you or your group is:

• the owner
• a completely different nationality. Bonus if you mimic an accent to go with it. (How to be incredibly awkward and create a situation that will probably get you banned from the venue: Pretend you’re their nationality)
• a minor celebrity that you have a passing resemblance to
• a band – The more retarded it is, the more points you get if anyone believes you. “We’re in a band called Mountain Meadows Massacre, we’ve been touring for 3 and a half years now. It’s country black metal.”
• really insanely rich – “He doesn’t like to talk about it but our buddy’s got 8% of stock in Facebook.” (Even better since Facebook is not publicly traded.) Or this one: “Our buddy’s business took off, he just bought a penthouse in West LA. He invented the Snuggie.”
• world famous guru – “Yeah people come from all over the world to learn from this guy. He taught Jean-Claude Van Damme’s brother. He teaches interpretive jazz dance.”

My natural player friend Eli and I check out a small city’s nightlife and he somehow ends up taking over a club.

Eli takes off into a club for half an hour and he’s not answering his phone. A drunk vanished Eli is a dangerous Eli. I always watch my boys, so I head back and get to the bouncer.

Bouncer: “It’s last call man I can’t let anybody in.”
Me: “I”m lookin for my friend Eli.”
Bouncer: “What, you mean like the owner Eli?”
Me: “What?”
Bouncer: “Like the OWNER ELI?”
Me: “Uh, yeah.”
Bouncer: “He’s right over there” and points at MY FRIEND ELI.

He’s in this crowd of people and waving a clipboard – “HEY! YOU! Are you on the list? Hey. Look over here. Is this your name? No? Hey you got a nice ass ” *slap* ” you’re invited!”

He asks people to find their name on the list and they can’t do it. I get a closer look at the paper and it’s a restaurant menu.

ELI ON USING THE CLIPBOARD

“I didn’t even look at the fuckin paper. I was pattin’ people on the butt. ‘Hey buddy.’ Big douchebags that wanna fight with people. ‘Are you on the list? Get the fuck out. You and Fabio over there. Get some mustard and butter and go home.’”

THE REAL OWNER SHOWS UP

It’s last call and as Eli backs up the entire club into a huge line, some scarecrow lookin’ dude marches up to him with a serious look on his face.
“I’m the owner’s brother. What are you doing with that clipboard?”
“Hey my name’s Eli. It’s cool man. I stole your clipboard. You can keep it.”
He glares at Eli.
“I don’t give a shit. Have a beer.”

ELI ON WHY IT WORKED

“I think I pulled a Mentos commercial. ‘It’s ok. I have breathmints. I stole someone’s cab. I have a cute smile. You can fuck off.’”

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS

The club environment is a complete fabrication. It’s a social bubble, created by its owners to ultimately make money and/or raise their status. Many clubs prey on people’s insecurities – creating an environment that seems intimidating, exclusive, and cooler than you – all to make you blow more cash to fit in.

So the next time you’re out and the club’s wearing you down, remember – it’s a social bubble anyone can pop, and all it takes is balls. Specifically, your balls.

TAKE A CLUBBIN’ ROAD TRIP!

Go to some random club in a place you’ll never see again. Make it a road trip with your buddies! Try something nutty (I’d rather not get sued, so I’ll say it here: do not break the law or start any fights). Maybe you’ll get kicked out, but who cares? Teabag that social bubble with your massive cojones ’til it pops.