You’ve just met your dream girl. When suddenly the gravity shifts in the club. ka doom… ka DOOM… KA DOOM… approaching, squeezed into heels and a tiny dress like 180lbs of used bubblegum wrapped in sausage casing and balanced on a pair of toothpicks…
The LAND MONSTER.
Your eyes dart across the room… and no wingman in sight. You’re keeping it going with your angel… But a cocktail-dress-wearing asteroid eclipses over her shoulder… and the fate of your pick-up is imminent – EXTINCTION.
Where’s Bruce Willis when you need him?
Going out there and approaching women in the club gets brutal sometimes.. You can face rejection, social pressure, and awkwardness… and so can your buddies. Whether some girl spills a drink on them, starts a fight, or drunkenly steals your friend’s hat and stuffs it into her purse (true story), anything can mess up their night. Here’s how you can get your wingmen back in the game.
But first, I gotta clear up one misconception.
“Let those candy-asses sack up and take care of themselves. I’m out to get laid, not babysit grown men.”
If you’ve got this every-man-for-himself attitude,
A) you’re a dick,
B) When the chips are down, you’ll be on your own. Good luck.
Why rally the troops?
The nightlife is chaos and you never know when you’re gonna need backup. I’ve encountered countless situations where my buddy swooped in and saved the day. And if your buddy’s having an off night, at critical moments he won’t be able to maintain cover fire long before your squad gets overwhelmed.
Also remember that no man is invincible; you will have off nights. If you help your boys when they’re down, they’ll bring YOU back in the game next time you’re out of commission.
What NOT to do
Don’t get analytical and try to solve their sour mood directly. It’ll just reinforce the bad mood. This isn’t the time to get analytical about game either. Talking shop is fun, but at a club it’s counter-productive. Save that for home.
How to boost your squadron’s morale
You gotta build morale in your personal army. I’ve gone ahead and provided some of my personal favorite methods of motivating your friends to help you get girls, along with the Wingman Morale rating.
Singing
Sing the chorus of a popular song that your friends know and encourage them to join in. It doesn’t matter if you’re a good or bad singer, as long as you belt out those notes and belt ‘em like you just don’t care. Examples include Day-Oh, American Pie, Louie Louie, etc. A good time to do this is when you’re traveling between bars (Not man enough to sing? Try freestyling and have your friends beatbox. And if your crew gets a record deal, I’m cool with 10%).
Morale Boost:
Be goofy on the dance floor
If your friends see you dancing ridiculously, they might loosen up. A good example of this: the Patented Eli Butt-Bump
Monkey see, monkey screw
Step out of your group and just open up some girls in front of your friends. If the guys see you do this a few times, they might get motivated to follow suit. If they don’t…
Morale boost:
Call in backup
…tell the girls “hey you should meet my friend, he’s pretty cool” and just bring your buddy into the conversation. Your friend doesn’t have to be a conversational master here; simple chit-chat will suffice.
Morale boost:
Start Early
If your wings suffer from a chronic lack of mojo every time you go out, maybe you’re starting the night too late. Everyone needs time to warm up. Go hang out at a dive bar or something before going to the club. Everyone’s results will improve. I guarantee it.
Morale boost:
“An army is a team”
Armed with these morale-boosting tips your team will be unstoppable. I’ll close this out with one of my favorite quotes from the cinematic manliness epic, Patton:
“An army is a team. They live, sleep, eat, fight as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. Those bilious bastards that wrote about individuality in the Saturday Evening Post don’t know anything more about real fighting than they do about fornicating!”
There are numerous underground dating websites. If you go check them out, some part of you might think: skeevy. And in some ways that’s true. They’ve got public forums where people sometimes post comments that are bona fide skeevy or just plan mean. But this has little to do with the nature of pick-up; it’s just human nature. The asshole factor will always exist. Here’s why.
Asshole Fact #1: Any population of guys will always contain a small sample of assholes
All right. Let’s take a totally random crowd.
Let's play 'Where's Guido?'
Sure. No assholes yet. But let’s look closer.
Closer...
Closer...
wait for it...
ok maybe this isn't...
ASSHOLE! Oh shit!
From this I conclude that any sample of dudes will contain a minimum of one asshole. Still not convinced? Hell just watch some TV.
Chuck
John Casey
Hot damn, the first episode he almost blew the main guy’s brains out. Perfectly innocent dude. What a dick.
House
Don’t know who I’m talking about? Watch 30 seconds of the damn show.
Community
Jeff Winger
He’s a lawyer. Speaking of which -
Every Legal Show Ever Made
ASSHOLES!
Every Wall Street Movie Ever Made
ASSHOLES!
which brings me to my next point -
Asshole Fact #2: When you gather up a big group of dudes, testosterone outs every guy’s inner asshole to some degree
Exhibit A
Exhibit B.
Exhibit C.
Asshole Fact #3: Like anything else, some guys nerd out on seduction and become weird assholes
The internet proves it. Like Rule 34 for porn, if it exists, someone’s OBSESSED with it. Pick-up is no exception. You’ll see a personality type that’s obsessed with slicing every human interaction into every quantifiable detail (one that I call the Wile E. Coyote in my Looney Tunes Guide to PUA Personality Types). Some sad news for you fellas… turning interactions into scripts is not possible. Sorry. Are you prepared for a -
Girl you just met responding to everything you say with “I don’t believe you”?
24-year-old girl’s MOM showing up at the bar and cockblocking you?
New girl who calls you after ignoring you for 2 weeks asking “I’m in town with my girlfriends what are you doing” at 10pm on a Saturday?
All of these things have happened to me. No I didn’t have a contingency planned. Yes in the end I got the girl, because I made a conscious effort to be adaptable.
There will always be a contingency and if you don’t plan to ADAPT, your whole structure will come crashing down. The only way to build up adaptability is EXPERIENCE. Find out what happens for yourself. And question everything you read (Love Systems Director Savoy on questioning everything), while never taking any of it too seriously.
In the end, PUA instruction is like firearms instruction
The stakes aren’t life and death, but they’re important regardless. PUA websites provide tools that can be used for good or ill. Men will ALWAYS seek tools to improve their odds with women. Guys are horny. It’s how they work. These places can provide training and encourage good behaviour, but in the end, each man’s gotta carry his own piece.
Lay reports are compelling – it’s hard to top lurid descriptions of strangers having sex. But what use can you get out of them? Is it possible to improve your game from reading field reports and lay reports? Here are the top factors you need to consider.
Authenticity
This is the #1 factor of any field report. Because if it’s a fake, it won’t help you. Why?
If a guy’s so lacking in balls that he must lie about his dating life to anonymous strangers on the internet, it speaks volumes about his actual confidence level with real women.
So how could we possibly make PUA lay reports more genuine?
Let’s look at a group of people that has fact-checking, testing, and theory down: scientists.
I love the Scientific Method.
The problem PUAs have with “fakin’ the baby makin’” is the same problem scientists have with bogus research – getting bad conclusions from false data. Applying these bad conclusions in your own interactions will have unpredictable results, and will probably just sabotage your game.
To deal with this, scientists have the peer review system, where they regulate themselves. Imagine reading a questionable lay report, and calling on your fellow PUAs to regulate that lyin’ mofo. But until the pick-up community figures this out, expect this problem to stay.
Trust
You’ll read a lot of lay reports online, but in the end, you can only learn anything useful from trusted sources. For some people, that means reading no lay reports at all. For others, it might mean only reports of close friends or people they know personally. My criteria include field reports of people I know, and field reports of dating coaches that I’ve met before or seen in action.
Information Overload
You meet a beautiful woman. Actually she’s not just beautiful, she’s smokin’ hot. You both interact. What’s the most important thing to remember about that interaction?
Is it the words you say?
The words she says?
How she says them?
How you say them?
The way you’re dressed?
Your tone of voice?
Your posture?
Your mood?
Her mood?
Her body language?
The environment you meet her in?
Whether her friends can see you two?
Her logistics (is she driving her friends, how far is she from home, does she have to work tomorrow morning)?
And these are just some of the first things. Later on surprises will come up, you’ll say and do things that turn her on, turn her off, etc. The whole environment is in a state of chaos, and the author has to make sense of it. This brings up the next point…
Interpretation
Every word you read has passed through someone’s filter.
Kurosawa’s Rashomon is a moving example of how an observer’s perspective can lend a wholly different interpretation of the same events. Not to say that a sloppy squeeze-box session with the town hoochie should ever be considered high art, but lay reports won’t capture every detail, you’ll miss some things.
One example is body language. Maybe the events of someone’s lay report DID actually happen, but you won’t learn anything from it because one can’t document all the subtle nonverbal cues and tips that influenced the interaction. You might know exactly WHAT to say, but you won’t have any idea of HOW to say it. If your words say “expert seducer” and your body language screams “serial rapist”, well the body language is gonna win. Your voice tone, inflection, posture, mannerisms, etc. need to be on point. (Love Systems came out with a DVD on body language with some good info. Cajun’s articles on Body Language might also help).
Other Sides of the Story
Other perspectives would give a more complete picture of the interaction.
Wingman
The wingman knows the game, and since he’s not caught in the heat of the moment with the girl, he can catch other details, such as her friend’s reaction to the pick-up.
Field reports don’t completely suck. If you’ve got the intangibles down and just don’t know what to say, they can be a great source of new routines to try out, with a few starter examples of how girls actually respond to it. The successful ones also provide great examples of handling logistics problems as they come up.
The Verdict
Field reports are no substitute for field experience. To get good you gotta put your ass on the line. They’re best at providing direction for verbal and logistical problems. If you’re looking for something useful, only study field reports from sources you trust that make sense to you.
“Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.”
- Mark Twain
What do PUA guys want out of pick-up? Or more accurately, what do PUAs want out of the sexual relationship area of their lives? Here are some common goals and practical reasons why these goals suck:
1. “I want to bang as many hot women as possible.”
aka pump-and-dump, the Wilt Chamberlain
WHY this sucks
This is NOT a long term strategy. Sorry buddy but when you’re 75 years old, unless you’ve got fame, massive fortune, or godlike game to swing around, you’re not banging random 20 year old co-eds.
WHY this may not suck so much
If you don’t have much experience with women, this can be a good thing. Here’s why:
To discover the qualities you truly want in a woman, the best method is to experience what women have to offer – and that means playing the field (Jeremy Soul on why getting experience can help).
So you won’t have that nagging feeling of “if only…” while in a relationship. As in, if only I had dated a girl like this… or a girl like that… (Savoy on Choice and Relationships).
2. “I want a girlfriend / to get married.”
aka settling down, should you chain your balls to one horse?
Neigh!
WHY this sucks
Despite what some critics of PUA stuff think, not every guy into game is a womanizer. A lot of them are seeking stability in their love lives. But be aware that in today’s dating world, absolute relationship stability is a myth. Yes, even if you’re married. You gotta stay on your toes gentlemen if you want to keep your woman. How so? By staying desirable! (I’ll provide tips on how to stay desirable to your girl in an upcoming article [Keeping Your Mojo.])
WHY this may not suck so much
When you’ve played the field and discovered what qualities your dream girl should have – and you’ve met your dream girl and now she’s into you – Go for it.
3. “I want a harem of girls.”
aka Big Love, my-cack-is-a-firehose-hooked-to-the-city-protein-supply
WHY this sucks
The effort this takes to maintain can drain major resources from other areas of your life. Like your balls.
WHY this may not suck so much
When you have the significant amount of game, time, energy, Viagra, coke, and meth it take to juggle multiple women like chainsaws, it’s fun. I guess.
Hang on I just got something in the mail.
The Ultimate Goal
Beyond all of these goals, you’ve got to have an ultimate purpose of game.
I believe it should be freedom. Freedom from having to play the field. Freedom from having to stick to the first girl who settles for you. Freedom to recruit a 24/7 on-call man-milk extraction brigade. (Or harem. Whatever.) Only when you’ve freed yourself from your limitations can you find relationship happiness (Soul on finding what you want from your love life). Do you want to be free? You could read a few books maybe, but above all else, just get out there and meet some women.
After years of going out in the field and seeing countless guys approach women, I’ve noticed that all players, pick-up artists, average guys – pretty much all MEN experience common waypoints on the road to social mastery, and these traits match up perfectly with, of all things, Looney Tunes characters. No joke. I’ve listed all of them below.
(If you find yourself expressing some of the more negative tendencies listed below, don’t fret. It’s natural for guys at all levels to experience them – I’ve been all of these at some point.)
A thing from another world who doesn’t relate well to Earthlings.
An example of social cluelessness.
Does this sound like you?
Social space case who’s unaware of what’s happening on planet Earth. Can easily come across as arrogant
“The Illudium Pew-36 Explosive Space Modulator! That creature has stolen the space modulator!” – Marvin the Martian
A lot of geekier guys start out this way, and they’ve never done anything wrong; socially they’re just a blank slate. They’re happy to talk about obscure or esoteric subjects, not realizing it bores other people. They haven’t been exposed to other people very much and so they miss all of the cues that one learns with social experience.
Solution
Get social experience! (A guide to getting socialized from The Attraction Forums – written for college students, but it can apply to others as well). Another tip – Underground Dating Seminar program director Brad P.’s tips for social newbies mentions that a Goth Club is a good place to build up social experience because it’s a very accepting environment.
Wile E. Coyote
This starving animal buys every product from the “Acme” company. He analyzes and plans for every contingency… but he never gets the Roadrunner.
A perfect plan… that fails.
Does this sound like you?
Obsessive over details, tendency to see every social interaction as a chess game
“WHY do they always want to do it the HARD way?” – Wile E. Coyote
This guy builds elaborate schemes that are “guaranteed” to get the girl… only to have them blow up in his face. It’s also a natural progression for analytical socially isolated guys – A Marvin can easily become a Wile E. Coyote. Social robots and game-heads can try memorizing and planning for every contingency – but the Roadrunner, or unforseen circumstances, or Murphy’s Law will circumvent them.
“The weirdest guys I know and the guys who have the least success with women are the ones who are overly tactical…they are so in their head thinking about the logical side of how to approach and meet women they end up creating a weird vibe and getting crushed. When you can blend “some” tactics with a great vibe, good things happen.”
- Love Systems Instructor Braddock on Relaxing and Having Fun with Game
Solution
These guys must realize that planning for every contingency is impractical at best, and that becoming adaptable without over-reliance on schemes, routines, or gimmicks is the key to success and a happy, well-adjusted social life. A guy like this will learn way faster by consciously throwing himself into situations where he has no idea what to say next; the mind fills the gaps. Love Systems instructor Cajun sums this up pretty well with some pithy advice – “Trust your brain.”
Porky Pig
A cautious everyman.
Not a perfect example, but I love this clip.
Does this sound like you?
A pushover who’s quick to justify social anxiety
[Porky's cats throw him out of his own house] “Pardon me, but d-d-does anyone in the audience kn-know somebody who kn-knows somebody that has a house to rent?” – Porky Pig
This is a common type. They can carry a conversation, but don’t usually make it very fun or intriguing. If the thought of approaching beautiful women doesn’t turn this guy into a stuttering mess, he comes across as a “nice guy”, and it’s easy for others to walk all over him.
A hair trigger who take everything waaaay to seriously.
Typical Yosemite Sam Overreaction
Does this sound like you?
Thin-skinned, insecure, quick to anger
[in response to Bugs' "What's Up Doc?"]
“I’m no Doc, ya flea-bitten varmint!” – Yosemite Sam
The slightest provocation from anyone will set this guy off. He’ll treat any girl’s tests as a personal insult, he’ll treat her friends like scheming adversaries instead of normal people having a night out, and he’ll take every social interaction way too seriously.
Solution
Love Systems Instructor Future notes that when a girl calls you out on something, “if you get blown out it’s not because of the material but because you had a negative reaction to rejection.” Future’s advice applies to any form of rejection she might throw at you. Take it in stride, and move on. One of the best ways to build up tolerance to this situation is cold, hard experience. Try going out with the INTENTION of getting blown out, and actively ENCOURAGE the girls to blow you out. You’ll see it’s not a big deal, and you might even have fun with the situation. “Go up to a group of hot girls and say ‘Hey can you tell me to fuck off’… There, you’ve just been blown out in the worst way possible. Not as bad as you thought huh.” –Love Systems Instructor Daxx on Approach Anxiety
Daffy Duck
A greedy attention-starved opportunist who is always looking out for himself and no one else.
Stubborn to a fault.
Does this sound like you?
Greedy, selfish, conniving, fragile ego
“It’s mine, ya understand? Mine, MINE, all MINE! Get back in there! Down down down! Go go go! Mine mine mine!” – Daffy Duck
These guys would do well if not for these crippling “inner game” issues. And aside from their sex lives, this attitude will also poison their social circles – high value people are uncanny at sensing hidden agendas and will stay far away from these people.
Solution
These guys have a negative attitude. This can be tough to fix because it touches on deep-rooted beliefs; sometimes it takes a serious kick in the ass to fix them (An example of some inner game tough love from Future). Good habits to cultivate include giving without expecting anything in return, helping others, and brushing off negativity like water off a duck’s back.
Foghorn Leghorn
The barnyard’s biggest loudmouth.
Trying too hard
Does this sound like you?
Tendency to ramble and put on airs, braggart
“You’re nothin but a loud mouth snook!” -Henery Hawk
When guys brag too much about their accomplishments, or just blab too much in general they turn into this guy. They may think they’re making themselves look good, but to everyone else these guys are trying too hard.
Solution
Talking too much dispels any mystique a guy might have. And if he brags, it turns women off immediately. Learning the fine art of shutting up (Love Systems Instructor Tenmagnet describes how shutting up helps your game ) and learning to be subtle when presenting accomplishments remedies this.
Pepe Le Pew
Once he spots his Penelope “skunk”, he’ll chase her to the ends of the earth.
Persistence to the point of obnoxiousness…
Does this sound like you?
Obsessive persistence, unfettered desire
“You know, one of the mysteries of my life is, why a woman run away when all she really wish is to be captured.” – Pepe Le Pew
A woman can drive this guy crazy. And that’s fine… to a point. Inevitably the girl will get turned off and creeped out if a guy keeps pushing it – whether it’s with compliments or with physical touch.
“Tas, Tasmanian. Here it is. ‘A strong, murderous beast, jaws as powerful as a steel trap – has ravenous appetite – eats tigers, lions, elephants, buffaloes, donkeys, giraffes, octopuses, rhinoceroses, mooses, ducks…’” – Bugs Bunny
Wild and crazy party guy. Rude, boorish, belligerent, and above all, DRUNK. He can have a pretty decent success rate, if only because he cuts such a wide swath he’ll likely catch a few helpless critters in his wake. Most of the time though he’ll just scare away every animal in the forest.
Solution
Sober up. These guys have good qualities, but they do way better in normal environments if they dial down the intensity a bit. That being said, they can excel in wild amped-up environments like Spring Break (Braddock’s Spring Break Dating Advice).
Bugs Bunny
Completely unflappable. Always one step ahead of everybody, and sometimes outwits his opponents just for his own amusement.
Nonchalant in the face (butt?) of danger…
Does this sound like you?
“calm, flippant insouciance” – Wikipedia
“Gee, ain’t I a stinker?” – Bugs Bunny
Guys who are calm in the face of adversity, adaptable to any situation, and relaxed enough to have a little fun with social pressure (playfully flippant) are way ahead of the game. They also have the confidence to stick up for themselves in adverse situations. (Cajun’s article on Advanced Body Language: Restraint describes an excellent way to handle challengers) It takes social experience and a positive attitude to get there, but the rewards are worth it.
Solution
For guys who don’t have the Bugs Bunny attitude already, it takes a lot of time and practice to get here. The path to being a real wiseguy requires focusing on field experience, and having fun with the process.
Having a Bugs Bunny attitude covers one pillar of my “Grand Unified Theory” of game. Watch for the “Grand Unveiling” of this theory soon.
So when you go out, which Looney Tunes character are you?
